Why I Have Limitations on How Much I Use Social Media
Explaining what happened with me and social media might be easiest put into relationship terms: initially, I dumped it; then we went on a break, and now we are talking again. And when I say social media, I am talking about Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I cut some slack to LinkedIn, Twitch, TikTok, and YouTube because they have somewhat a niche purpose. Of the latter, the only one I use is YouTube-- even when I was on my social media break, mostly because I enjoy consuming vlogging content and I have my own channel.
Truth be told, I've attempted to write this blog post several times. In every attempt, I have struggled to know how to best articulate what I was thinking and feeling as I slowly realized that social media was becoming a detrimental part of my life. Or more simply, when I recognized that it took a lot more from me than it was giving me in return.
Of all the social media platforms I listed above, Facebook was the one on which I was most active. I have Twitter and Instagram accounts, but I wasn't very active on them even before the break-up. For many years I feel like Facebook had an appropriate priority in my life. I could have the app on my phone and still have the self-discipline to not have my phone glued to my hand. I liked Facebook, especially in its earlier years. Back when you had control over your newsfeed, conversations weren't polarizing, and manipulation by malicious third-party entities wasn't a problem. You know, back in the good 'ole days when all you had to worry about was being poked.
I'm an introverted extrovert. I am also an empath. I like being social but on my own terms. Facebook allowed me to do that. I reconnected with old high school friends, stayed in better touch with extended family, and had meaningful conversations with friends, and friends of friends, that I don't think would have happened had I not been on the platform. I saw the movie The Social Network. I admire the idea of what I believe Mark Zuckerberg wanted to create, or at least his ambition to form the company. I respect the entrepreneurial aspect of it all. I happily live in Silicon Valley, after all. It is part of the cultural tech ethos here.
What I think Zuckerberg sadly underestimated was the ability for Facebook's content to be weaponized by bad actors. And because he was naive to that happening, Facebook was not prepared to deal with it when it did. This became apparent in the post mortem analysis following the 2016 election, congressional investigations looking into privacy breaches, and for me, a very informative two-part Frontline documentary called The Facebook Dilemma.
It was around the time of watching The Facebook Dilemma that the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court confirmation hearings were happening. And for some reason, this time, talking politics on Facebook felt different. At least different for me, which I remember feeling odd about. Because for several years prior, I had actively engaged in political posting on my newsfeed without a second thought. But what I realized is that the conversations happening in Facebook posts during the day's controversy weren't changing anything. Everyone was just talking (or yelling) past each other. No enlightened exchanges were happening. And every time I logged off Facebook, I would feel either deflated, enraged, or incredibly apathetic. What is the point? I'd ask myself. Why am I subjecting myself to this mental and emotional drain suck?
My answer came when I deleted Facebook from my iPhone. I reaffirmed my power of being on social media on my own terms. I felt such a relief. I haven't reinstalled it and don't plan on it. It's been more than 2 1/2 years, and I don't miss it at all.
Beyond the politics part of it, I realized I'd instead connect with those closest to me in other, to me, more meaningful ways: phone calls, text messages, greeting cards, Facetime chats. Those are the exchanges that matter to me.
In exploring all of this, I have come to understand I am an empath. I see a sad story or a read a negative exchange on the feed, and I take it into myself. I don't truly internalize it, but it just kind of sits there, lingering in my subconscious. It kind of becomes mental and emotional clutter. And we all know how I feel about clutter. I wish I could be the kind of person who can scroll endlessly and let it just wash over me. But I can't. When I open up myself to everything on the platforms, it can become very overwhelming very quickly. I just don't have the bandwidth to process it all AND enjoy the experience. So for the better part of the last two years, I have chosen not to.
With that said, I do want to start to log back on more frequently, but this time with boundaries that are appropriate for me and my mental health. One thing I have going for me is I do not have FOMO (fear of missing out). I don't feel a sense of urgency to know what someone on my feed had for dinner last night, went shopping, or what team they are rooting for in the Super Bowl. The other thing that has helped is only using Facebook on my desktop computer. It makes accessing the app more intentional. I can have a couple of meaningful exchanges with one or two friends at the top of my feed; post whatever content I want to promote of myself; then log off. Having the self-discipline to put my mental health first is very empowering.
I want to emphasize that this is my experience with social media, and I know everyone is different. I harbor no judgment on how much, or how little, people use the platforms compared to me. I also feel that social media can have a hugely positive impact on the world and positive social change. It connects people from all corners of the globe, from different backgrounds, perspectives, and life experiences. It can amplify issues that need light shed on them and end the isolation that has made many people feel abandoned or alone. Social media has been an amplifying catalyst for social change for racial equality and addressing police violence against people of color. And it helped keep people connected through the lockdowns and social distancing of COVID-19. Simply put, social media isn't going anywhere, and at the end of the day, I am glad for that.
But, I am of a generation that remembers life before social media. Back when the only form of social media was passing notes in class and getting all you could out of three-way calling. So I know that life existed just fine without social media. The sun does not rise or set based on Twitter's trending page. The world will keep on spinning, and people are going to keep emoji liking, hearting, and hugging whether I'm logged on or not.
And I'm completely fine with that too.
